"I can't take this 'daddy beats me because he loves me' excuse."

I really wish I could articulate what is going on in my mind.
It always seems to come down to this. I'm totally inspired to write, but I have no clue what to write about, even though my mind is racing. Ugh. Well, here goes.
So I watched the movie Something Borrowed.
Twice.
(Yes, I know, chick flick, but I promise this is a good one.)
It really related to me.
No really.
It did.
I especially related to the main character, Rachel.
I don't want to give away too much of the movie, or the ending for that matter, because it's that good...that you should see it.
But. Essentially. Rachel has this big conclusion about herself in the end.
She goes through a lot.
She does a lot of thinking.
She does a lot of advice seeking from her best guy friend.
And in the end, she realizes for herself (with a little kick in the butt from her friend) what she needs to do, the kind of person she's being, and how she needs to change.
Okay. So what?
So say I'm Rachel.
I go through a lot.
I do a lot of thinking.
I do a lot of advice seeking from her best friend(s).
This is the end. This is me realizing for myself (with a little kick in the butt from her friend(s)/brother) what I need to do, the kind of person I'm being, and how I need to change.
What?
Yeah, I told you I've had a lot on my mind.
So here's my conclusion. My ending.
Sometimes we go through life thinking we're doing the right thing. We let things happen. We sometimes give people the benefit of the doubt. We allow those we care so deeply about to seemingly walk on us, thinking it's what you're supposed to do.
But sometimes, we have to take charge.
Sometimes we have to really evaluate our lives and think, What is it that I really want?
Because ultimately, it's about the big "I."
You can't live your life trying to change someone.
You can't live your life trying to be someone or something you're not.
You can't live your life trying to make decisions based off what someone else might think.
You can't do it.
The only thing you can do is think about you.
Think about what YOU want.
What makes YOU happy.
Regardless of what the mass populous might think.
Regardless of what people around you might think.
Regardless of what the most important person in your life might think.
Obviously the opinions of those others come into play.
But when you spend time trying to chase something that is seemingly unobtainable, trying to win a game you just can't win, trying to change something that just won't change...you lose time on something that is obtainable, a game that you can win, something you actually can change.
And this might not make sense.
And maybe you don't agree.
But until you are married and have your own children...who do you really have to think about?
When you're a 19 year old girl, succeeding in college, with opportunities surrounding you...who do you really have to think about?
You.
You need to be happy.
You need to be treated right.
You need to make decisions in a way that will positively impact you.
So since Sunday, I've really been evaluating myself.
What am I doing?
What kind of decisions have I been making?
What kind of life am I living?
What kind of people am I associating with?
And with that, I conclude.
This is my first summer in college. One of the last summers I'll spend at home. Three precious months of relaxation, before jumping head first into 17 credit hours and marching band in the fall.
This is the summer where I take charge of my life, where I decide what kind of person I'm going to be, who really matters to me, and what is really worth pursuing.
And maybe I won't have an ending like the one in Something Borrowed.
Or maybe I will. Who knows?
All I know is that life is too short to sit around waiting for a happy ending.
But I can start writing mine now.