I just want a sign.
I just want to know what I'm supposed to do.
I just want an answer.
...Please?
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
When I grow up...
My parents always used to ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. They always suggested me being a lawyer, due to my competitive and argumentive nature. So for the longest time, whenever anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I naively said, "A lawyer."
But, I've always been terrible with decisions, which led to me changing my career several times. I went from a fashion designer, to an interior designer, to an Olympic ice skater (a notion that died very quickly, when I realized I couldn't even balance on roller skates), to a psychologist.
For a while now, however, I've been completely set on being a journalist. Then I went to orientation, and they told me I had to choose a minor. What? Thank you, now I have to make another decision.
Anyway, as I thought about the question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?", it's not just what profession I want to pursue. It's more than that. It's who I want to be, what I want to acheive, what I want I want out of life.
-Yes, I want to be a sports broadcaster. I want to be the lady on the sidelines, the Pam Oliver. I want to be a professional, I want to wear high heels and a pencil skirt to work. I want to drive around town in a Camaro. I want to have an iPhone to keep track of my appointments, I want to "pencil people in". I don't want to worry about money. I don't want to be disgusting rich, I just don't want finances to get in the way of my life. I want a house with palm trees in the front yard, with a grand piano in the front room, with a big backyard. I want black and white portraits lining the walls and a big stainless steel kitchen. I want a polished dining table for family dinners and an LCD tv to watch football.
-I want to be a wife. I want a gorgeous wedding with red roses and an amazing photographer. I want to marry someone who's my best friend, someone I feel completely comfortable around. I want someone who supports me, and helps me reach my goals. I want to cook dinner and bake cakes and have my own little recipe book. I want to snuggle up and watch basketball at night. I want to be a mother...an awesome mother at that. I want to go to my daughter's soccer games and my son's football games. I want to go to their piano recitals and band concerts. I want to be their best friend and their biggest cheerleader. I want to be what my mom (and what my dad) was for me. I want to take family vactions to Hawaii and take family portraits on the beach. I want to tell them about pranks I pulled and about lessons I learned, and I want them to tell me about what happens in their lives.
-I want to put my talents to good use. I want to accompany choirs and perform musical numbers at church that bring people to tears. I want to teach others how to play the piano so they can in turn share it with others. I want to be a good example to someone. I want to know that I made a difference in at least one person's, other than my friend's/family's, life. I want to teach others what I know. I want to be active at church and have a strong testimony. I want to be the young women's leader I always wanted. I want to be someone that people can turn to when they need help, because they can rely on me.
-I want the people that I truly care about now to still be in my life. I want to know that I kept a select few friendships that meant the most to me. I want to be a good friend. I want to have lunch and go on cruises with the girls. I want to be in my best friends' weddings. I want to spoil my best friends' babies. I want to stay incredibly close to my own family. I want to always be involved in my brother's life. I want to give my parents vacations and presents, because it's the least I can do for them.
-I want to travel. I want to spend time in Panama. I want to be completely fluent in spanish. I want to taste real Italian food. I want to learn more about my ancestors on my dad's side. I want to know I lived life with no regrets. I want to skydive, be at Times Square on New Years Eve, and go to a World Cup game. I want to stargaze on the beach and see a show on Broadway. I want to reach my goals.
But most importantly, when I grow up, I want to be happy.
But, I've always been terrible with decisions, which led to me changing my career several times. I went from a fashion designer, to an interior designer, to an Olympic ice skater (a notion that died very quickly, when I realized I couldn't even balance on roller skates), to a psychologist.
For a while now, however, I've been completely set on being a journalist. Then I went to orientation, and they told me I had to choose a minor. What? Thank you, now I have to make another decision.
Anyway, as I thought about the question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?", it's not just what profession I want to pursue. It's more than that. It's who I want to be, what I want to acheive, what I want I want out of life.
-Yes, I want to be a sports broadcaster. I want to be the lady on the sidelines, the Pam Oliver. I want to be a professional, I want to wear high heels and a pencil skirt to work. I want to drive around town in a Camaro. I want to have an iPhone to keep track of my appointments, I want to "pencil people in". I don't want to worry about money. I don't want to be disgusting rich, I just don't want finances to get in the way of my life. I want a house with palm trees in the front yard, with a grand piano in the front room, with a big backyard. I want black and white portraits lining the walls and a big stainless steel kitchen. I want a polished dining table for family dinners and an LCD tv to watch football.
-I want to be a wife. I want a gorgeous wedding with red roses and an amazing photographer. I want to marry someone who's my best friend, someone I feel completely comfortable around. I want someone who supports me, and helps me reach my goals. I want to cook dinner and bake cakes and have my own little recipe book. I want to snuggle up and watch basketball at night. I want to be a mother...an awesome mother at that. I want to go to my daughter's soccer games and my son's football games. I want to go to their piano recitals and band concerts. I want to be their best friend and their biggest cheerleader. I want to be what my mom (and what my dad) was for me. I want to take family vactions to Hawaii and take family portraits on the beach. I want to tell them about pranks I pulled and about lessons I learned, and I want them to tell me about what happens in their lives.
-I want to put my talents to good use. I want to accompany choirs and perform musical numbers at church that bring people to tears. I want to teach others how to play the piano so they can in turn share it with others. I want to be a good example to someone. I want to know that I made a difference in at least one person's, other than my friend's/family's, life. I want to teach others what I know. I want to be active at church and have a strong testimony. I want to be the young women's leader I always wanted. I want to be someone that people can turn to when they need help, because they can rely on me.
-I want the people that I truly care about now to still be in my life. I want to know that I kept a select few friendships that meant the most to me. I want to be a good friend. I want to have lunch and go on cruises with the girls. I want to be in my best friends' weddings. I want to spoil my best friends' babies. I want to stay incredibly close to my own family. I want to always be involved in my brother's life. I want to give my parents vacations and presents, because it's the least I can do for them.
-I want to travel. I want to spend time in Panama. I want to be completely fluent in spanish. I want to taste real Italian food. I want to learn more about my ancestors on my dad's side. I want to know I lived life with no regrets. I want to skydive, be at Times Square on New Years Eve, and go to a World Cup game. I want to stargaze on the beach and see a show on Broadway. I want to reach my goals.
But most importantly, when I grow up, I want to be happy.
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