About time!

I used to be so excited to update my blog.
...And then I started college.
I mean, it's not that I'm not excited anymore, it's just a severe lack of time.
And I feel like I should probably be documenting everything that's happening. That I should've kept this updated to document the up's and down's and truly reflect the whole college experience. I mean, this is a pretty huge change right? This is a pretty significant part in my life. I probably should've expressed my feelings or something. I probably should've talked about the things on my mind, the concerns, the fears, all of that.

But quite frankly, I'm glad I didn't.

Truth: College sucked. (Past tense. Don't start worrying about me too much.)
I really don't want to get into specifics as to why it sucked, because I try to put the past behind me. I think I had a severe case of homesickness...something I didn't think would hit me too hard. But honestly, no matter how mature you think you are, no matter how much you've convinced yourself that you'll be fine, no matter how ready for college you think you are...you're not. I missed little things. I missed getting in a car and driving wherever I wanted because I knew where everything was. I missed walking into the pantry to grab a snack. I missed my dog, for goodness sake! And of course, I missed my family, my brother, especially.
College wasn't as easy as a transition as I imagined. For some reason I had it all blown up in my mind, glorified to be something awesome, that I'd instantly make tons and tons of friends and we'd hang out all the time and it was just going to be super awesome.
Well as it turns out, that's not the way it works, exactly. My dorm, Coronado, really is all it's cracked up to be. Bros and sorority hos. I'm pretty sure they broke the record for highest number of MIP's in one dorm...on the first weekend. And then there was marching band. Band camp was literally hell. Literally. I mean, it was over 100 degrees outside. It was so incredibly time consuming, because if I wasn't practicing, I was exhausted FROM practicing. And of course, I was a rookie again...I forgot what it was like to be at the bottom, and not know anyone, and have no one know you.

So after the first month or so I started thinking to myself, "Is any of this worth it?" I was so incredibly unhappy. I mean, there were definitely some good times, I definitely did have fun, but in the overall scheme of things, was I happy here in Tucson, did I belong here?

Oh, and then I started to question my major. MY MAJOR. Seriously? I love journalism. I was so ridiculously set on being a sports broadcaster, how could I question that. I'm taking a Principles of Journalism class and in the first classes my professor showed us statistics, about how many of us will actually change majors. How few of us will actually work in the field we want (aka sports broadcasting). How competitive the field is. How it's a dying profession. How so many people who graduate with a journalism degree, simply can't find jobs. Just super disheartening stuff.

Anyway, I re-evaluated myself and my situation. After talking a lot with my best friend in the whole wide world, I highly considered a transfer to BYU-Provo, something I have always always ALWAYS been against. (I realized that it would be a lot harder to transfer than I realized, first year transfer students don't qualify for scholarships, whaaat.) So after that was out of the question, and after a lot of conversations with my best friends (I really didn't want to tell anyone about my doubts, so I actually held it in for a while. I mean, I didn't even want to tell my family because I didn't want them to worry about me.) I realized that my attitude needed to change. Deep down, I knew things would work out...that's just the way it is. We're not given more challenges than we can handle, right? But I needed to be more positive. And that was my goal for September. If I was going to be here, I might as well enjoy myself and stop worrying...because things will fall into place.

So September.
I think things really started to lighten up when my family came down for Labor day. They were literally here for a day, but that was definitely the pick-me-up I needed. Having a pasta-fest with them at Olive Garden, catching up with my brother at the mall. Yeah, I needed that.
And from then on...things just kept getting better! I've been really successful in all of my classes, which has made me extremely happy. Band has become much much MUCH more enjoyable. (probably because I'm just so immune to pain now...) Football games are actually quite fun, and it's so great to walk to my dorm after games and have people literally applaud me because they're so impressed. (yeah, so much for band kids being losers, we're like frickin celebrities) Oh! And (this is such a cool story) I met a super awesome girl named Olivia in my ward. Who turns out, grew up around the same part of Florida I did, and who's sister is in the same ward I was in when I lived in Florida? Yeah suuuuuper crazy small world! Anyway, we've been having great times with Fat Fridays, Jersey Shore nights, fist pumping like champs, hitting the gym, and just having great adventures.

There's definitely significant people who really kept me going, who I really truly appreciate a lot, and they probably don't know it.

Like, my family, for just caring so much.

And Mary. Who skypes with me all the time. No really. ALL the time. Whenever either of us has a bad day, we can call each other in a second and we know exactly what each other is going through. I'm just seriously so grateful to have a friend like her, that even if we've moved forever away from each other, we've still grown so close to each other, since we were babies.

And Alan. Without this kid, I probably would've died in band. Probably. He know's when I'm upset even when I don't talk about it, therefore he cheers me up 99% of the time.

And Karissa, Alec, and Alisha. Because they listen, they're on my side, and they make me laugh. And they're really wise. All of them, in their own way. They are definitely way more mature than they should be, and I love that so much.

Truth: I love college.
I may have had a rough start, I may have had some unexpected changes, I may have had experiences that I definitely didn't anticipate, but I'm really happy where I'm at now.
Sure, there could be aspects of my life I wish were better, it is very possible to be happiER, but I'm content.
...And I know this is where I'm supposed to be.