What I live for.

I love my life.
No, really. I love my life.
About a month ago, I wouldn't have said that. But what's happening now is the reason I keep going.
Because everything happens for a reason.

"God breaks you down, only to help build you up...bigger and stronger."

I learned that at church once.
But it's so true! I just want to scream it to the world!
I'm just so happy right now, so content, so excited to live.
I want everyone to remember that everything happens for a reason.
I want everyone to remember to stay positive.
I want everyone to remember to smile and laugh at little things.
Because it's all SO true.

The friends, the job, the money, the dress, the dance, the scholarship, the jam sessions, the musical numbers, the family, the good health, the good grades, the good times...I could go on about the countless good things in my life...the blessings.

And I know this doesn't last forever, and I'm not saying my life is perfect right now, that it worked out exactly how I planned. Because it isn't, and it hasn't.
Stuff happens. So it's either I sit around moping around feeling crushed, or move on, and see the brighter side of things.
I'm going to fall sometimes, but, knowing that things will get better, that things HAVE gotten better...that I've seen this happen to me countless times?

...That's what I live for.

Don't feed the plants!

Can I just say I had the best weekend ever?
It's been a long time since I've said that.
No really, my mom started getting worried about me. I stayed home every weekend. Nothing happened, no plans. Nothing. It was starting to get old.

So for the past two weeks I was practicing for the school musical, Little Shop of Horrors. I was in the band, where I played the electric piano. At first I was pretty annoyed with the fact that I would have to put so much time into it, even if I didn't ask for it. But as the long, late night rehearsals started, I started having so much fun, that it didn't even matter. Since the band was so small, we sat in our little "music shop" and joked around, Mr. B and Mr. Schriber included. We even wore pajamas one night!

So after many wild car rides (which I was the chauffer, since they were all baby sophomores) and snack runs, opening night approached. We were all excited as ever, but I was extremely nervous for my fat solo in "Somewhere that's Green." Of course most wouldn't notice it, but I could, and I knew that at every single rehearsal, I didn't play it up to par. But that night, I nailed it!

Friday was even more fun. Mommy took me to Barro's after school, which I was craving, and I made some conclusions with her. Later, before the show, we played a game called "Yo Mamma" with the cast. They were such awesome kids! We then did vocal warm ups with them, and we didn't sound half bad! Needless to say, the show was a little shaky, but it happens. Afterwards, Daniela invited me to hang out with her friends--which was super exciting. I was going out for once!! haha. So we did some party hopping. Wound up talking to a random kid. And ended up at her house, having Girl Talk until 1 am, and having stark realizations. It was awesome! I think this will be a start to something new. :)

Saturday began early. I had an interview with the Hispanic Alumni of the University of Arizona, Phoenix Chapter, for a scholarship. The interview took place at the Phoenix campus, which was super far away, but I made it, no problem. The panel consisted of 5 people, including an intimidating, emotionless, old man. I answered the questions as best as I could, and I thought it went well, minus the grumpy old man. Of course, I second guessed everything I said, thinking about what I could've said, or what I should've said. I brushed that off, it was finale night!

Once again, we played "Yo Mamma" and warmed up with the cast. That's the perk of being in small groups, you can really get to know each other, and have fun. And this time, the show was nearly flawless. No mic problems. Minor timing issues. Perfect solos. Everything. It was just right. I also was fortunate to have a bunch of friends and my family come to the show, which of course made me so excited to see. Post-performance we had the traditional cast party on the stage, where we kicked back, took pictures, and had just a great time.

Then we went to the afterparty-castparty at Erin's house. The car ride there was almost as fun as the party itself. Anyway, somehow the band kids segregated ourselves from the rest of them, unintentionally of course. A.J, being the random kid he is, had a harmonica. Emily, being the next random kid she is, had a ukelele. Kyle and I, being the observant kids that we are, noticed the front room, fully equipped with a piano, a marimba, a string bass, a cello, a violin, and drumsticks. Since of course, we were all coincidentally in jazz band, we got the bright idea to play C Jam, and have an improv sesh. And it was a hot improv sesh, at that. We called solos, and even got people to scat. We had an audience and paparrazzi as well. It was awesome!!

So Sunday hit. Not a big pile of homework, an excellent lesson in YW, entertaining conversations with Alisha and Sam. Nothing extraordinary, but not bad. Then, around 9 pm, I get a phone call. "Hi Scarlett, this is Nick Gonzalez from the UA, we met on Saturday!" I won the scholarship! It's only $1000, but the fact that I was interviewed...and I WON it, meant a lot. That was definitely the good cherry on my Sundae. (haha get it, cause it was sunday?)

Those were the main good things about my weekend. There were little things scattered throughout, like talking and playing the question game with an old friend, making new friends, and moments that just made me smile. There were lessons learned, there were things that I took care of, that I had wanted to do for a long time. There were bittersweet moments throughout, the whole not going to prom thing still kills me. Having to confront a good friend also kills me. But I have faith. Things are going to work out. Things are working out.
Because, I firmly believe things happen for a reason. Life sucks sometimes. But that's when you learn the most. And when you've learned your lesson, that's when life starts looking up.
And I think I got there this weekend.

A month and 27 days.

So I'm in a boxing ring.
Every day it's just another hit.
Left hook.
Right hook.
Oh, what's up, upper cut?
And I'm just standing there. Taking it.
Like, really, do you want to hit me again? Because I'm pretty sure I'm numb to everything at this point.

This has gone on for over a week. I'm ready to tap out now.
I have a general desire to win everything. I'm extremely competitive.
But this one, this one's different.
This one I can't win.
This one is isn't a win-or-lose.
Because "winning" would require doing things that just aren't right.
And I'm above that.

So here's what I'm doing.
I'm done caring.
I've burned some bridges. Okay, I've burned a couple bridges.
It happens.
The only thing I can do right now is face forward. Not look back.
I'm not fixing, repairing, rebuilding...I'm starting over.
I can sit around feeling sorry for myself, or I can enjoy life.

I've got a month and 27 days left of high school.
...and I'm going to enjoy it.