Dear Me, Sincerely, Me.

I'm a sucker for letters. I love writing them. I love receiving them. I'm also a sucker for writing letters to myself.
Let me explain.
When I was younger, probably 12 or 13 or something, we did this thing at church where we wrote letters to ourselves in the future. Basically we were writing about our future spouses or whatever, and we weren't supposed to open said letters until we were getting married.
I still have them. Unopened.
We wrote other letters as well, like time capsule type things.
I still have them. Unopened.
Back in 2006, when I was 14, I discovered this website called futureme.org. It was made for me, I swear. You write letters to yourself, and they're delivered to your e-mail address sometime in the future. Back in 2006 I wrote one. The subject of the email, "Wow your old." Obviously showing my impeccable attention to grammar. It is to be delivered in 2013. I cannot wait.
Since then, I've written an email to myself each year to be delivered around the time of my birthday. As I procrastinated today, I recalled these emails, and pulled them up out of curiosity.
I've always been fascinated with my progression as a person.
Just like every other adolescent girl I went through phases. Phases that were somewhat reflected through these emails.
These emails have started short, and got longer and more detailed as time went on.
The content of the emails started more trivial, and became more heartfelt and deep as time went on.
But as I read the emails, I'll admit, I got a little sad.
Not so much nostalgia, but rather, the idea that my life didn't exactly turn out as I suspected. My dreams didn't exactly come true. My predictions, well, were wrong.
For example:
January 15th, 2008: "I still want to go to UF, in fact I REALLY want to go to UF, and I hope you're getting good enough grades for it."
University of Florida was my dream. I wound up not even applying. Not because I couldn't, it just became unrealistic.
Over time, the people I was once close and devoted so much time to, changed.
This is evident through the emails.
And it makes me sad.
Like I devoted so much time and trust into a relationship that seemingly turned out to be a waste.
And then I think, what if I did something differently? What would my life be like if I handled a situation differently?
What if I never left Florida?
Or what if I went to UF?
And then I think, "what if" nothing.
There's no point to "what if."
It is what it is.
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."
I'm happy!
I love my life.
I may have redefined my dreams. I may have redefined my goals. I may have redefined my relationships. And through it all, it has shaped who I am as a person.
And I like who I am now.
So I'm going to keep on writing letters to myself in the future.
Why?
Because reading them reminds me of where I've been, who I was, what I've overcome.
They might make me a little bit sad, but more often than not, I find my present self laughing at my past self.
Because let's face it, I've had some pretty silly aspirations.
And at the end of the day, it's really okay that not everything worked out as I wanted them to.
Because if they had, who would I be today?